So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
there is puke in my bra ... again
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
