i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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