Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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