just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
