Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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