The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
