Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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