i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
