You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
