I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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