textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
