I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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