Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
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