So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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