Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
