Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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