Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
