just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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