Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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