Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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