I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
