dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
