her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
it's great music for shaving your balls
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
