I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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