im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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