Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
