My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
