I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
