Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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