Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Dignity is for republicans.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
