And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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