Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize