Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Less talking, more tequila
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
