Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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