there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
