I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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