dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
