man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Randomize
