she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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