it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
