if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize