If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
