and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
