o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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