farters have to be the big spoon...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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