she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
FUCK WHALES
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
