In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
