I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
