YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize