Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
