party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
