So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Randomize
