Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
