Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize