I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
