my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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