between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
