My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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