So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Two words: nipple clamps
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