Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
