It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
