Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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