Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
