this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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