yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Are we still banned from the library?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
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