i already hear my dad disowning me
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
