God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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