I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I queefed so loud it echoed.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
