honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize