Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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