8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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