Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize