shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You took a bar mat shot.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize