when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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