After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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