Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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