I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
