His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
