About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
